People come to coaching for many reasons…
To be better at leadership, for influence, balance, communication, energy, confidence, and time management – to name a few.
The reasons people struggle to make progress are all over the board, while our circumstances and perspectives vary for a million reasons.
But there is ONE thing that’s universal to making progress in any area of our lives.
It’s our “story” about ourselves and our circumstances.
Statistically speaking, our brains tend to prefer the negative stories – at least 3 to 1. We can’t help but gravitate toward them.
Here are some of the usual suspects you might hear yourself say when things get hard:
“I am so tired.”
“That always happens to me.”
“That will never work.”
“I’m so overwhelmed.”
“They have it so much easier.”
“I can’t believe I have to do that again.”
“This is unreal.”
“I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“I can’t deal.”
These stories are also known as beliefs and they can be super powerful. So powerful that they’re driving everything we do.
Here’s a great visual we use in our groups to illustrate the concept:
In other words, our THOUGHTS determine everything about the results we get. And we live in a culture obsessed with results.
So when clients want to figure out how to get better at leading themselves in some area of their work and lives, it really means getting better at the way THEY SEE THEMSELVES and their circumstances.
Our mindset holds the key. Every single time.
The question is: How flexible is yours?
Last week I mentioned Ben Hardy’s work on reframing and what he calls “mental flexibility”. Our degree of mental flexibility is directly related to our ability to change and grow. Get better at changing your mind and your story, and watch what happens.
When I look at the major inflection points in my life and the way I’ve changed over the years, every single moment came as a result of greater mental flexibility.
I went from believing one thing about myself, my life, and my circumstances, to believing something entirely different.
One of the questions we ask leaders in our groups when they feel stuck is:
“What are you believing about yourself or your circumstances?”
Think about where you might be stuck right now. Do your beliefs in this area empower you to grow, or are they keeping you stuck?
Now, how flexible is your mentality in that area of your life?
Are you willing to entertain a different perspective?
It makes me wonder what’s possible for ourselves and our world if we all simply focused on gaining mental flexibility.
We would become better students of ourselves and other people.
We would be more influential.
We would enjoy life more.
We would be more curious.
We would be easier to be around.
We would grow and change and that would change us and others for the better.
Can you imagine? I hope you will.